Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
this is an emotional support booty call
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
