And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
