i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
