so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
