I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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