hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
