i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
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i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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