he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize