new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
