oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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