I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
