I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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