i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He did a backflip because drugs
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