Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
