let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
