Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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