I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
