Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
