just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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