Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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