Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
