Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Randomize