I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just googled if crying burns calories
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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