careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
