just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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