He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
