well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
