Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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