Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
