U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
