Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
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i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
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Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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