Non-Jews are for practice
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
