I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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