she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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