i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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