i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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