Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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