Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
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afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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