from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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