Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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