You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
