How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
