your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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