So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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