I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
