I'm gonna have a badass scar
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
