ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
