There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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