I want to make a zoo with you.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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