I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
