I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
