MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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