I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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