Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
