Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
