He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
