i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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