First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
