Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize