Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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